Road trip
by Riku Watashi
Summary: What happens when Roy, Ed, Havoc, and Alphonse all go on a road trip? Lots of randomness, Parental!RoyEd, mild implied RoyRiza. Some OOC-ness
1. Chapter 1

**Hii! Here's my new fanfic. Unfortunately for me, but fortunately for you, I don't own Fullmetal alchemist. That's why this is called a fanfic. Some stuff that I put in Ed's book is taken from a website called Animescience101 and I don't own it. It was really good material and I needed to use it, and I don't own it either. Thank you to the people who made that site for the use of it.**

Chapter one

Edward Elric gazed out the window, bored. He was sitting in a car in the back seat, with Alphonse on his right. Ahead of him, in the driver's seat sat Colonel Roy Mustang, and in the passenger seat of the car was Jean Havoc. "Ughn... Remind me what we're doing here, again?" the blond teen groaned. "We," Roy started, in a mildly annoyed tone of voice, "are going to the North to check on a few minor things that the military needs to know, and when we get there, you two are you going to be checking on a lead on the Philosopher's stone. And you'll be leaving us alone and maybe I'll be able to find a beautiful woman that won't be being put off by two brats because they won't be around." "Wow... That was really..." " Blunt? To the point?" Havoc finished. "Well, yeah," Edward said, "plus, Colonel Mush-head, don't you like Hawkeye?" Roy's face turned the color of Ed's coat. "No! and that's not any of your business!" " Well, you kinda made it my business when you made that comment about beautiful women." He sighed and leaned his head against the window. "So when are we gonna be there, again?" " We just left, Fullmetal. Just wait. Since we're traveling by car, it'll probably take about a week, anyway." "Ugggghhnnn..." Ed groaned, "Why are we traveling by car, anyway? We should have taken the train.." " Because, the train is too public since we don't want to be the most obvious people there. It's supposed to be covert." Edward sighed dramatically and thumped his head against the back of the seat, bored. "Okay, well.. I brought a book I needed to read anyway," he mumbled. He brought the book up in front of his face and started to read.

_Alchemy, It is the scientific technique of understanding the structure of matter, decomposing it, and then reconstructing it. If performed skillfully, it is even possible to create gold out of lead. However, as it is a science, there are some natural principles in place. Only one thing can be created from something else of a certain mass. This is the Principle of Equivalent Exchange. To begin with, there are three basic steps to performing a transmutation. _

_1 Comprehension: What are you doing and what are you doing it with._

_2 Deconstruction: Breaking down the materials needed_

_3 Reconstruction: Putting everything back together_

_On top of this, there are two basic laws that rule every transmutation alchemists perform:_

_1 Law of conservation of mass: Matter and energy cannot be created or destroyed to the point of nonexistence_

Edward looked up from his book and gazed out of the window. "Hey, Roy, I can eat a stick of beef jerky in under 3 seconds!" Havoc exclaimed. Edward facepalmed. Road trips did baaad things to people. This was going to be a looong trip, Edward could tell already.

**You like? You don't like? Please review. This is my first FMA fanfic and I would really appreciate feedback, whether it's friendly advice and helpful criticism, or complaints, or even approval (haha), I still would really appreciate it. And don't skip reviewing because you think someone else will, or I'll go all Winry-with-a-wrench on you. :P**

**Thanks!**

**-Riku**


	2. Chapter 2

**Note: There were some errors in the last chapter that have been fixed**

**New chapter. Hope you like. Enjoy.**

Chapter two

Edward sighed. This was oddly the most boring thing that he had ever done. The way that the car was moving jerkily on the street due to potholes was making him be distracted from his book, and the company was really annoying as well. He stared out the window and tried to ignore everything that was going on. Alphonse was not the worst person to be stuck traveling with normally, but for some reason, he decided that the best thing to do was to announce very happily that they were driving past random livestock that happened to be nearby, and comment on how they were so cute. Sheep are not very cute when you have to hear about them _every time _one was remotely close. Havoc was seeming to take great pleasure in talking about stupid stunts and women with Roy Mustang. Roy was (hopefully) driving, and also participating in aggravating conversations with Havoc. Well... it could be worse... He could be being tortured... worse than he already was being. "Ugh!" He whacked his head the seat several times over. "Fullmetal, please stop doing that. I'd hate to make an extra stop going to the hospital because your patience is too _short," _ Roy said with a smirk. "HEY! WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT THAT A BUNCH OF INSECTS HAD TO INVENT EDWARD CROSSING SO THEY DIDN'T ACCIDENTALLY TRAMPLE ME TO DEATH BECAUSE NOT EVEN A TINY LITTLE GNAT COULD SEE ME?!" Roy laughed. "No-one said anything like that; all I said was that you better watch it if you don't want to make this trip a lot longer than you already think it is. Although," Roy added with a grin, "you probably already see it as a lot larger than it is from your short perspective." " HEY! WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT THAT YOU CAN'T DO A TRANSMUTATION ANYWHERE NEAR ME BECAUSE YOU MIGHT ACCIDENTALLY GET ME MIXED UP WITH THE OTHER MOLECULES?!" Roy's laughing became louder. "Whoah, Chief, calm down!" " Um, Colonel, please stop teasing brother, and, um, watch out! You almost hit a cow! Oh, no, I hope it's okay... " "Agh, kill the stupid cow!" Ed shouted, "Don't let it make more people suffer with milk!" "I assure you, Ed, the only person who hates milk is you." " Brother, how could you?!" "You know, Fullmetal, maybe if you drank some milk, you'd get taller." " No! It's gross! And, hey, wait! WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT THAT I CAN'T GO TO THE AMUSEMENT PARK BECAUSE THEY DON'T LET IN PEOPLE WHO ARE SHORTER THAN BUGS?!" "Hahaha!" " Chief!" "Brother!"

**How do you like this chapter? Parental!RoyEd is still yet to come. Please review! And don't skip reviewing because you think someone else will, because if you do, I'll go all Edward-when-you-call-him-short on you! PLEASE review, even if it's a bad review, because I still appreciate them. Happy Saturday!**

**Thanks!**

**-Riku**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey! Read and review! **

**Also, my name has been changed to Blazing Steel Eri**

"Truth or dare?" Ed quoted, disgustedly. "Yep!" Havoc said.

"You know what? Fine! Play truth or dare! I don't care! Just drop me off somewhere first! I'll walk where we're going, because it'll be better than this."

" I dunno, Fullmetal. I don't think your tiny legs could handle walking that distance... "

"I'M NOT SHORT!" Ed screeched, but it was actually mostly drowned out by Al's sudden shriek.

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeekkkkkkkk! Look! It's a kitten! Can we stop and pick it up?! PLEASE!?"

" Ugh.. Anything, to stop that shrieking noise... "

"No! We can't take care of one!"

"Uh.. Fullmetal said no, so I automatically say yes! Havoc, I order you to go out and get it for Alphonse!"

"Traitors!"

"Huh?! Really, Colonel?! You're the best! Willyouadoptmeplease?!"

"What? ?! Et tu, Alphonse?!"

"Aw, what's the matter? Feeling left out, Eddy? Don't worry, I'll adopt you too," the Colonel grinned.

"NOO! PLEASE LET ME OUT!"

"Adopt him! Adopt him!" Havoc chanted.

"Aw... Brother isn't it so cute?!"

"Meow Meow Meow"

"Agh! You sound like Hughes..!"

" Meow Meow Meow "

"CAN THAT THING SHUT UP?!"

" BROTHER! it's not a thing! It's my baby Cranberry Neko! "

"What the-? Why would you name it that?!"

"Adopt him! Adopt him!"

" Hahaha! "

"Meow Meow Meow"

"Its so cute! And Colonel, you sound like the Furher! "

"Agghhhh! SAVE ME! !"


End file.
